I am single by choice. That means I voluntarily decided to be single. I’ve decided to surrender and give God every part of my life, including my desire to eventually marry. It’s easy for me to say this because I’ve never been a “dater,” casually dating just wasn’t my thing. I could go months or years without dating someone, and be content. My friends would often try to get me to meet people or try dating apps, but I never could get into it. I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t in a rush to find that special someone, but I was open to the idea of possibly meeting someone.
I’ve had my fair share of situations; situations that looked like something but turned out to be nothing. Yep, I’m not ashamed to admit I had a few of those. I’ve also had situations/relationships that became a stumbling block in my walk with Christ. As a Christian woman, a woman pursuing God daily wasn’t always understood in my relationships. I realized that it was easy for men to accept Mel, the woman, but it was hard for them to accept Mel, the woman of God. I honored God in my relationships, by creating safe boundaries that would prevent me from sinning against God and myself. I honored my convictions and the lifestyle I lived because of them, and that became a conflict with dating.
That’s when I learned everyone loves God, but not everyone obeys God…even professing Christians. The greatest mistake I made was thinking I could obey God and still be in a relationship with a person who didn’t obey God or a person who didn’t share those same convictions as me. Before I knew it, I began letting my guard down and making compromises little by little. I wanted to please God, but I also wanted to please the man that I was dating which ultimately led me to sin. The sin wasn’t necessarily what I did, but my disobedience. I knew this relationship was pulling me away from God and although it was happening subtly, I knew when it began but I didn’t remove myself from the relationship. I allowed my desire to be in a relationship and my insecurities about not being in one at my “old” age to become more important than obeying God.
The Single Life
After many mistakes, failures, rebukes, chastisements, and repentance, I finally decided to be single and remain single until God connects me with the man sent by him, a man after his own heart. I’ve been single for many years and honestly, I love it. I’ve been able to fully devote my time to God intimately and in ministry, I’ve been able to do a lot of soul-searching and inner healing, and most importantly, I get to spend time with myself, get to know myself, and enjoy myself. I get to accomplish personal goals without any emotional distractions. I get to work on becoming a better human, not just preparing to become a good wife.
My single season has been a busy, yet, very productive season. I’ve been able to accomplish so much during this time by being my primary focus. I’m not in a relationship and I don’t have any kids, which means I can maximize the time that I have to myself, but it’s also a bittersweet feeling. I do desire to have a mate and it does get lonely at times, but it doesn’t last for long. I’m surrounded by so much love, that it fills the void I feel by not having a mate. I’m not saying it’s equivalent to having a mate, but true love (from your loved ones), can and will provide comfort.
Living my Best and Blessed Life
I spend a lot of time creating some of the best memories. While being single, I’ve learned to enjoy my own company. Every month, I ask myself, “Mel, what do you want to do? What do you want to see? Where do you want to go? How do you want to feel?” Asking myself these questions always determines what restaurant I’m visiting, who I’m hanging out with, the next place I’m traveling to, or what activities or hobbies I’m going to do. When I ask myself how I want to feel, that determines what I want to look like. I explore different hairstyles and different fashion looks. You know what they say, ” when a woman looks good she feels good,” and that ain’t nothing but the truth!
I’ve learned to love myself, compliment myself, and feel secure about myself without needing it from a man. I’ve learned to go on solo dates and enjoy my own company without entertaining “some guy” all because I don’t want to go alone. I’ve learned to wine and dine myself, exposing myself to the finer things in life, so I won’t have to depend on a man to do it. I’ve learned to be content in my single season and enjoy it to the fullest. I trust that when it’s time, God will send that special someone.
Stay Saved and Single
I know you desire to be married someday, but I want to encourage you to wait on God. In most cases, casual dating leads to casualties, and many women let their guard down or compromise. If dating is going to cost your salvation, stay saved and single. If the person you’re dating is not leading you to God, they are leading you away from God, there is no in-between. Don’t try to dress it up, don’t make any excuses, just call a spade a spade and walk away from the relationship. You would rather inherit the kingdom as a single woman than be denied entry for living a disobedient life.
Also, remember, singlehood is a season and every season comes to an end. You may be single now, but if it’s God’s will for you to marry, you won’t be single forever. Enjoy this season because every season is from the Lord. Don’t be so caught up in your desire to marry that you miss what God wants you to have in your single season. Your single season is just as beautiful as your season of marriage.